We Have a Choice Even When We Feel We Don’t
Who hasn’t been in a tough situation, so tough we weren’t sure we could survive? Between a rock and a hard place. Fight or flight. And even flight may not be an option. Freeze, sure, but you’re as angry with yourself as you are with the injustice, the shattered expectations, the betrayal.
Still there are people to blame and humiliation to swallow. We look as others pass us by, on the fast lane to somewhere. Add self-pity and a dose of regret. So what choice do we have?
When stuck in this misery, we often hear: Don’t be upset. Tomorrow will be better! Let’s go get ice cream and make you forget.
No? That won’t work?
How about this: You’re lucky you’re not dead, stupid! You messed up, now get up, dust it off, and soldier on!
Not that either? Not mom or dad? What then?
When our parents messed up, when they said the wrong thing, when they blamed us and hurt us, or just plain neglected us, innately we knew what a good parent – our own version of the divine parent - would do.
We knew the difference between the kinds of love we got and the love we craved to feel safe and thrive. The difference between having to be the child our parents wanted us to be and the sweet, messy essence of who we were. We looked in the mirror our parents held up and believed that we were not who we were supposed to be, lacking, damaged. Carefully, sadly, we put away our “imaginary” parent along with the perfectly imperfect child, so that we could be the version that best fit the family mold.
And what about this rocky choiceless place we were talking about? What if you were able to unearth that divine parent within you that loves you unconditionally, that forgives what couldn’t be helped and accepts all mistakes as gifts?
That parent that embraces the sweet essence that is you and makes you feel perfectly at home. Call it your soul. Powering you – with acceptance, curiosity, and compassion – to find a path between that rock and that hard place...that seem to fade rather mysteriously with every step you take.